Being that guy “works” in one realm of romance while keeping another realm a bit out reach, I think. At some point I started to realize that I might, without thinking about it, kind of be playing into it, for kicks, and then becoming it, which kicked my own a$$. Little adjustments happened, pretty organically, to change things, to be a different guy.

People who viewed this item also viewed

A total of eleven studies were found that examined the characteristics of use or motivations of online dating use. One study examined heterosexual respondents only , and another study focused on male homosexual populations only , and the remaining studies did not differentiate between sexual orientations. The way I saw it the plans I had were not their business. So if asked I would just refer to a “friend.” I dated as many people as I was interested in until exclusivity. I did this because marriage was my goal and I didn’t want to put all my eggs in one basket too soon.

None this year (I haven’t really been seeking out casual sex), 5 girls last year. In all honesty, none of these caused any drama at all for me, I just enjoyed having sex. I don’t know if maybe I’d thought differently if they’d been really attractive.

What to Do When Your Potential Date Would Be Better for a Friend

This might sound shallow to say but I tend to have different standards of who I’d date compared to who I’d sleep with. Out these 5 girls, 4 were below my ‘dating standard’ if you like. The other was 11 years older than me and stunning but, because of the age gap, I didn’t regard her as a long term dating prospect either. My feeling is that some people need to “slip through the net” in order for us to adjust the weave of our net, if that makes sense.

Something about the big 4-0 looming on the horizon has sharpened the lens, either that or I’ve spent enough time in sandboxes to have lost the ability to call them castles. Marie is just a compelling person you’ve met for an hour, so to commit to that, to close off all other doors would be absurd. But let’s say you meet again, go on a date or two or three. Do you really need to augment those dates with gym selfies, fluttery back and forths, and so on, in order to enjoy Marie with confidence without getting too topsy-turvy? Because the “Maries” of this world can sniff that out quick, and they’ll be yawning when the scent crosses their noses. They generally want a guy who can go three days—or, gulp, maybe a lifetime—without a spandex-heavy gym selfie.

Knowing yourself better can help you connect with others more easily, because you’ll know exactly who you are and what you want. If you want to find other business opportunities online then check out our sister sites. FindABlog is the internet’s biggest specialist directory of WordPress and Blogger Blogs and FindANiche has thousands of pre-researched niches for you to discover. We also have a directory of Shopify and WooCommerce e-commerce and drop shipping stores at FindAStore. Finally our suite of research tools at Niche Laboratory will allow you to data mine opportunities in any niche.

I own a few motorcycles, and my homes are “cool” in a very Instagrammable way. But I don’t lead with any of that—at all—because the last thing I want a woman saying about me is, “I’m meeting up with this guy BC later. He’s got great abs and rides a Ducati.” Yawn. Then this afternoon , I had a drink with a girl from Bumble. It was only 1 hour as we both had places to be after but I felt it went well and I was attracted to her. Having said that, the conversation never became flirty, it was all more of a friendly chat. I’ve also just dropped her a text saying I enjoyed meeting her and would like to get to know her a bit more, will see what she says.

Findings come mainly from qualitative studies; therefore, they are informative, but further analysis on more representative populations using quantitative approaches is needed to support these results. Nevertheless, online dating developers have acknowledged that design is made to engage the user and increase monetisation of the business (Jung et al. 2014). Even though the design of dating apps has not been studied in the field of addiction, previous literature examining SNS use suggests that user interaction such as scrolling, tapping, and typing is related to smartphone addiction (Noë et al. 2019). Considering that dating apps have a similar user interaction design (i.e. typing, scrolling/swiping, and liking), comparable associations with addictive patterns of use may exist.


Chemistry can’t be discerned from typing and talking. I did screen many men out based on typing and talking but never assumed we’d have in person chemistry. Me, I’ve found dating most enjoyable when I don’t have really high expectations from it save for meeting another human being an seeing what’s up.

Casual sex stopped being a thing I did—at least in the way you’re describing, where you already know, before doing it, that you’re not going to take it seriously. This wasn’t really some choice I made to “grow up” and “be noble,” or even to make space for my Marie, but more of a self-assessment—a shedding of a more adolescent husk so I could slip into a more adult one. Personally (and I know this is a reflection of low self-confidence on my part), I feel that opening up my phone and having 5 or 6 messages from attractive women to respond to (even if some of them are shallow / unsuitable) helps keep my confidence levels up. I went into my date with Marie yesterday super calm and relaxed. My mindset was ‘even if this doesn’t work out, I’ve got lots of other irons in the fire’. In terms of what I’m looking for, I am looking for that special someone.

Hopping Out of the ‘Situationship’ – Is it time?

Intellectual fireworks, with an expanding, earthy warmth. No obvious flirtation, no kiss, no toned selfies blowing up my phone in the wake. Was she attracted to me, “into” me “that way”? She was so interesting—and, yes, staggeringly beautiful to my eyes—that I just wanted to be around her again. So we me up again, and after a few more hours? I still had no idea if she was feeling the sizzle, and still didn’t care.

I just wanted to let her know the door was open. Estimated delivery dates – opens in a new window or tab include seller’s handling time, origin ZIP Code, destination ZIP Code and time of acceptance and will depend on shipping service selected and receipt of cleared payment. Delivery times may vary, especially during peak periods.

I guess see what happens today, if there’s no kiss again and you don’t want to move that slow, don’t see her again. I’m going to message her today about doing something tomorrow, but quite frankly if we don’t at least KISS by the end of the night, I’m not sure I want to continue stretching things out. JEANETTE just messaged me, saying she’d love to go out tonight. Last night’s date with NICOLA was 4.5 hours and went very well…except for getting a ticket for a burnt-out headlight! Dinner was delicious, the wine she brought was superb, the comedy club was hilarious, and our conversation was genuinely interesting & fun all night. Total was a bargain $66 for a fairly upscale meal, club & parking.

So 90 messages this go-around have yielded 3 dates for a success rate of 3%, down from from a 10% success rate in November. And to be honest, I’m not super excited about any of these four women yet, but I’ll reserve judgment until I meet them IRL. So here’s Round 2 of an online dating journal from a 42-yo guy in a big American city.