This can be even more frustrating if you’re trying to help your partner see the positives of a negative situation, and they shut you down. If you’ve talked about it, tried to make adjustments, and you just can’t get on the same page about sex, there’s a chance that your relationship may not last. It’s okay to have a separate best friend to hang out with or be best friends with your partner. As long as you get along it is not as big as a deal as Disney and romantic movies make out “compatibility” out to be.

Recognize that you probably can’t change their mind

Both the coronavirus pandemic and intensified unrest around racial injustice have amplified the importance of politics in dating, said Moore. In today’s politically polarized landscape, dating someone with different political views can introduce a number of challenges. When Nicole Moore, the CEO and owner of Love Works near San Diego, started her relationship coaching business nearly a decade ago, the issue of politics seldom if ever came up with her clients. Then came 2016, the election year that changed everything. These days, one’s political affiliation is guaranteed to be brought up — passionately. Without similarities, it seems like partnerships fall apart.

Partners who are opposite to you in certain aspects like in their taste in music or favorite foods can enhance a relationship for sure. And in the short term, opposites can work in relationships. Just keep in mind that if partners aren’t in alignment regarding many important aspects of a relationship, it just might not last. To be sure, there are benefits of being in a relationship with somebody who is your opposite. For instance, people who have type A personalities might calm down and feel less pressured by coming home to type B personalities with more laid-back traits.

If you’re thinking about your relationship and asking yourself, “Are we too different to make it work? With that in mind, here are 21 incompatible qualities matchmakers and relationship experts say aren’t likely to lead to relationship success. It can be tough to be in a relationship with a partner who pretends to be someone they’re not — especially if you’re someone who embraces you who are.

‘Mismatched partisan pairs’ are fairly common

While it might be possible to agree to disagree, matchmakers say different political views tend to be a dealbreaker for many couples they work with. “The ideal way to talk about political differences as a couple involves both partners sitting down and talking about the dreams and goals you have in common,” said Dana McNeil. While sexual satisfaction and frequency contribute to healthy, long-term romantic relationships, partners having different or opposite sexual requirements is common.

Actually, having a shared sense of humor is one of the top three most important qualities people look for in a partner, Natalie Smith, a Los Angeles-based matchmaker with Three Day Rule, tells Bustle. If a couple can’t laugh about the same things, she says, they probably won’t even make it past a first date. This is exactly what professional matchmakers do when pairing people up. Matchmakers consider what their clients have in common, but also keep an eye out for certain sets of incompatible qualities between partners, that usually mean a relationship won’t work out. Whether it makes your relationship stronger or you stronger on your own, it can only help with your approach to bringing politics into relationships in the future. Knowing you and your partner’s love language is important in a relationship because it’ll tell you how a person likes to show love and receive it.

While your partner may not agree, this gives them a better understanding of where you are coming from so you can “fight fair.” Keep the debate civil by not raising your voice, not interrupting your partner, and by staying on-topic rather than bringing up multiple subjects .. It’s a sign of disrespect when you do these things, and disrespect has no place in a relationship. According to Bergstein, this is key if you want to be truly happy, as it plays into listening skills and how you handle arguments. If you aren’t on the same page, you’ll likely struggle to understand each other. It can be draining to date a pessimist if you’re a total optimist, and vice versa.

You Have Mismatched Sex Drives

Numerous studies and surveys have found money is major source of relationship stress. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that an extreme saver and mega spender would have a hard time staying together in the long run. It’s the values that are important, like what you want out of a relationship, and your personalistic qualities. Please keep the rules of r/dating_advice in mind while participating here.

Relationship experts discuss how to navigate dating and relationships in our charged political times. We also know the limitations of pairing opposites through other studies. For example, if another’s face is similar to your own, you’re more likely to deem that person trustworthy, according to an article published in the journal Psychological Science. In one study, timid, verbally inhibited participants were paired with critical, assertive partners.

And also I find guys who have varied interests from me so much more attractive! If I want to hang out with someone who has the same exact interests as me, I’ll hit up my best friend. I want someone who is different from me, who I find interesting and who I can discover new hobbies and music from. So different in the ways you mentioned is nice, but different in ideals isn’t. Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles.

Not only does it lead to arguments, but it’s also often a sign a couple doesn’t share the same values or belief system. If one person likes being out and about, while the other likes staying in, Bergstein says it’s highly unlikely that a relationship will be successful. “While it can seem appealing at first, as the relationship goes on, the homebody will become frustrated that their partner always has to be on the go and can never just relax,” she says. According to Caitlin Bergstein, a Boston-based matchmaker at Three Day Rule, how someone relaxes or re-energizes may mean a lot more than you’d think. I would argue interests actually don’t matter that much for a relationship.